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Dr Rich
Rich Simons | Upper East 11th Street

Photo illustration Art Olson.
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Every month, Rich Simons answers readers’ most perplexing questions

I have been reading in the daily and weekly periodicals (the “alternative press”) that the City of Del Mar is considering organizing its own police department. Should I assign any credibility to these sources? – s.n.

I am happy to be able to say that this time they “got it right.” NOT, mind you, that the “alternative press” finally got something right, but rather that our City Council is finally, finally moving toward somethng that should have been done long ago.

Surely news of the crime wave that is sweeping our village must have reached you by now. Why just the other day there was spotted over around Pine Needles a person who clearly didn’t belong here. To begin with: he was walking. I mean WALKING – without a dog! So we can only speculate as to his intentions. His hair was so unkempt it could be seen creeping over the tops of his ears, and he was wearing one of those hats that hoodlums are known to favor; I believe they are called “baseball caps.” As for his clothing, it was the sort of stuff that I imagine can be purchased in one of those “dress for less” places or – God help us – a thrift store! Anyway, he was clearly NOT one of us. And incidents like this are being reported almost every month!

And were the above suspicious characters (oh, what shall we call them . . . the “dogless walkers”? hey that’s good – rhymes with “stalkers”!) ever interrogated by the authorities? (i.e. - Our Sheriff’s Deputies?) Not to my knowledge, even though incidents of this sort are now reliably and quickly reported in our new social media site, www.nextdoor.com. Anyway it raises the question: Where can you find a Sheriff when you need one? In the old days, the answer was simple: if you needed help from the law you just made a call to the VG Donut shop up there in Cardiff. There were always one or two cop cars parked out front. Now apparently not so much. Why, we went by there just the other day – and nothing! I hope our City Fathers (and Mothers, of course) are getting the message here: if they hope to maintain a law enforcement presence in Del Mar, a good doughnut shop will be a must.

It’s not surprising, as I was told some time ago, that on a per capita basis our little town is the crime capital of California. Who amongst us knows what goes on down there in “our” fairgrounds? And at the beach? (Athough, frankly – I suspect the break-in rate could be easily cut in half if the City would simply install portapotties every one hundred yards.) Anyway, little crimes in these area are going to happen almost uncontrollaby, like popcorn going off. I believe that the mathematics of the per capita equation suggests that we should work on our “capita,”which is to say we need to grow our population. Aha! Next opportunity: that big empty lot at the intersection of Jimmy Durante Boulevard and San Dieguito Road.


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