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Rich Simons courtesy of Rich Simons
Rich up close

Rich Simons | 11th Street

Every month,
Rich Simons answers
most perplexing questions.


Q: Some of my friends say there is no Green Flash. Papa says “If you see it in the Sandpiper, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth; is there a Green Flash? – v.i.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Green Flash. It exists as certainly as there is salt in the ocean and sand on beaches and birds that fly in formation. It is to be found most often in the eyes of people staring out to sea at sunset holding long-stemmed goblets filled with a liquid the color of butter, redolent with hints of oak and cherry, and a nice plummy finish. This beverage is called “chardonnay” (from the French – charge du nez, literally: “a load up your nose”).

It is created by allowing grapes to ferment (from the French “to rot”) and then filtering and placing the juice in bottles bearing ridiculous price tags. This beverage has been credited with creating a variety of illusions over the ages.

Not believe in the Green Flash! You might as well not believe in Santa Claus. Because you see, Virginia, so long as there are illegal aliens willing to till the soil and plant the vines and harvest the grapes, and rotters willing to rotten the fruit and bottle it, and people willing to look vacantly out at the horizon clutching long-stemmed glasses, there will always be a Green Flash (from the English – “green” and “flash”).

Q: There is a popular tree trimmer in town who is often called the ‘master-cutter’, yet his hair is very long. How can you account for this inconsistency? - r.p.
It may be one of those paradoxes one encounters, such as the cobbler whose children have no shoes, or the physician who smokes four packs a day. Anyway, I’ll be sure to ask Andy the next time I see him.

Q: Do we have a parking problem in Del Mar? – c.c.
Only if we have a car.

Q: At noon where do you park in Del Mar? – b.e.
Over the years I have generally had good luck finding a space in the 500 block of 11th Street, which is within easy walking distance to our restaurants and shops.

Q: Del Mar allowed free parking downtown these past few weeks to encourage shoppers. Did you take advantage of the “hooded” parking meters? – j.k.
No. See answer above.


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